We are so preciously loved by God that we cannot comprehend it. No created being can ever know how much and how sweetly and tenderly God loves them.
Julian of Norwich, 1342-1413
14 The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
The semester was over. i was in close communication with my pastor, my father, my close friend who lived on campus. My father had contacted the campus police, asking them to keep watch. In those days, that was just not the way to go, “domestic violence” had just emerged as an entity on the crime scene. I graduated with my class (against all odds,) and began packing. I carefully kept my things separate so that when we stopped at my folks’ house on the way to Virginia, I could just stay. We left campus, got to the house in a few agonizing hours and I unpacked a few things. What I remember is that while my father counseling my soon to be ex in the garage, explaining how I was raised, how I could not go on with him,, my mom and I sat in the living room, crying.
He left, my father called the local police to report the license plate and the story, just in case violence became an element here. It was only the beginning, but the nightmare was finally at the edge of “over.” For the next few months, he and his family called pleading his case, and I vacillated between staying and going. I prayed and prayed wondering if what the right decisions was. The church I attended at the time told me I HAD to go back or I would go to hell, and worse, spend the rest of my life alone with “only Jesus as my boyfriend.” One of my co-workers told me to consider giving it another chance, and my family knew better. My brother uttered one sentence, “He hit her, he didn’t love her.”
Slowly and surely, I was able to weather the phone calls, and slowly my decision was finalized. I had no hope of survival with this violent family. That history finally came out. And I began to heal. About a year later, my father flew me to Haiti for a divorce as I could not bear the thought of ever seeing him again. I began to let the love of God surround me, nurture me, heal me. And then I began once again to try and orchestrate relationships, helping God every chance I got. Would I ever learn?
The good news is, I began to trust my decisions, find my way, I was able to spot the signs and keep myself from those type of relationships. It took ten years before I would meet the love of my life and find a church home that was not ruled by “the law.” My prayer during this time was “Lord, if you can use this situation to help anyone else avoid it, then please use it for your glory.” And God did.
And God still does. Today, give the Lord the worst thing you can think of about yourself. Consider praying that prayer. God will use you, and use the situation at the perfect time.
Because of Him,